Make it a happy and inclusive Christmas for everyone.
We know not everyone LOVES Christmas. For many adults it’s all about racing round and we might actually get 10 mins peace a quiet and the chance to watch a Christmas re run of one of our favourites, with a glass of something and a tub of chocolates.
But spare a thought for those who are neurodivergent, both children and adults. It can be an even more challenging time for them. I want to share with you some top tips to make it easier for those individuals, whether it be at school, home or work. Let’s face it, it can be stressful and overwhelming for us all.
For children it’s school plays, carol services and parties at school, when they’re not there, it’s the hype of Christmas on TV and in the shops. We know that meeting Santa can be traumatising on its own.
For adults it can be the high expectation of the works do and attending too many social activities. Even the Christmas shopping can be just overwhelming. It can get just a bit too ‘peopley’.
But let’s consider a few other things that might just go under the radar of your awareness, if you’re not neurodivergent. I want to talk about as many elements as I can and to do this best I’ll take each ‘condition, difficulty or difference’ and out line how individuals might be impacted. But we must always remember the level of co-exiting differences is more likely to be the norm than exception, so it’s hard to keep this in neatly packaged boxes and there is likely to be an overlap.
Dyslexia
Writing Christmas cards to everyone in the class, is not a great task for the child that hates writing or the adult who struggles to spell that complicated name of a member of staff. Please remember they’re not a Grinch if they don’t send a card. We always ask children to write their letter to Santa Claus or a list. Again, it just takes the pleasure out of things. Why not cut and paste some images from a catalogue or make a Powerpoint presentation instead. In the world of technology, it’s so much easier to send a link. Not quite as traditional but let’s ask why we are asking for the list? Yes, sometimes we think it’s a great way to get a child engaged in writing. If you’re a parent or adult and your loved one struggles with reading, again, send them a link, they can click on it and get it ordered.
Intervention sessions in school, I have to say this is a real bug bear for me. I love that you are having the Christmas panto or carol service, I love to hear the kids singing and the bells jingling. But please, please move the child who is having their intervention session to somewhere quiet. This really impacts upon the working memory and stops the child processing information. It’s the same in the workplace, background festive music is lovely but it can really interfere with being able to listen and process information, concentration and focus.
Games nights, karaoke and carol service, please spare a thought for the person who will struggle to read the questions and answers. It’s bad enough feeling the pressure to perform for karaoke but there’s nothing more anxiety provoking than having to read the words from the screen whilst singing karaoke if you struggle to read. Those words flash on the screen so quickly there’s no time to process them.
The works-do can also be a tricky time, going out for a meal or cocktails, first of all there may be difficulties traveling to a new destination. Maybe a member of staff didn’t quite hear the name of the new Indian restaurant and can’t recall the name of the venue, it’s hard to ‘Google it’. Why not ‘drop a pin’ or send a link to make directions easier with Sat Nav or similar. Going to a new restaurant can also be challenging. So many adults have told me they have the same thing every time, as they struggle to read the menu. It doesn’t help that it’s usually in some fancy festive font either!
Sensory processing
Some people need lots of feedback, others are just too overloaded by what’s happening in the room, be it children or adults. In the classroom or teaching areas, check if you have too many decorations, is it visually over stimulating, are there too many things flapping around and noisy that are distracting and impact on your learners’ working memory or just plain give too much sensory stimulation. Are these things a distraction for the sensory seeker?
It’s not only in the classroom, there are so many new noises and visuals at the Christmas market or in the supermarket that it can be a sensory overload. This is also the case for adults. Yeap, people don’t grow out of it, they might find ways to manage it. They find things overly stimulating too. To the point that it can be just exhausting having to process it all. For adults in the workplace, consider the setting. Is there too much light and noise stimulation that’s going to be distracting and impacts the working memory or executive functioning, making it difficulty to maintain focus is exhausting? This sensory overwhelm can be in a restaurant or nightclub, so maybe check the venue of the Christmas works-do suits everyone. For adults and children, there’s often the need to dress up in your best clothes and really, they just want to be at home in something comfortable, with their own routines. Consider a place where there is no dress-code, so individuals can feel comfortable. Please don’t expect everyone to wear a silly Santa hat or the Christmas jumper.
Personally, I find flashing lights outside houses over stimulating. I’d hate to be living opposite someone who had their lights on repeat flashing sequences all night long, shining into my home. Even the lights flashing on trees can be uncomfortable for some. I know some who don’t want to go and visit Santa in his grotto, as it can be over stimulating and the fear of not knowing what to expect can cause anxiety. Along with visual sensitivity, noise sensitivity can also be present. the sensitivity to light and sound can also be heightened in the state of anxiety. Maybe it’s the feel of the fur on Santa’s coat or his beard but for some those sensations can be unbearable.
In the classroom it can be glitter overload, decorating handmade Christmas cards, I know we can be dusting it off our clothes for days. Again, glitter, along with some cotton wool made to look like snow can be uncomfortable to touch.
Sensitivity to touch makes things like wrapping paper, tinsel and garlands wrapped around bannisters or taking gifts from a Christmas stocking painful for some. So if you work colleague chooses not to open their secret Santa gift with everyone, don’t feel they’re ruining the Christmas spirit! Maybe check if they would prefer their gift unwrapped.
Many of us are aware of food sensitivity and again this will continue into adulthood. Maybe consider a non-traditional Christmas dinner or allow those with sensory needs to choose their own favourites, after all it’s their day too. I know this can be tricky if you’re eating out or visiting family who may feel they should just eat what everyone else has. When considering meeting up with work colleagues and arranging nights out, try to be inclusive and check colleagues preferred venues where everyone can enjoy something from the menu.
ASD
Often individuals with ASD might prefer to keep to their routines. The whole festive season often comes with changes to routines. For children this might be rehearsing for the Nativity instead of what’s expected. With no warning this can send a child into a state of anxiety. The adult in the workplace might not want to attend the works-do on a specific date as it impacts on their routines. It’s good to give clear information as soon as possible with dates and what’s happening.
Being neurodivergent means too often the brain has to manage and process so much information from sensory overloads and processing of conversations and people’s actions or having to mask, that down-time, me-time and doing what you do is more important than attending a social gathering. It can be tiring just attending some events. It can help if you provide an idea of what might happen, will there be music, karaoke, food provided, what are the choices
Those who are ASD are likely to have lots of sensory processing difficulties, some may have food sensitivity they may even struggle to process social language/idioms and the nuisances of language, so it may well be exhausting trying to keep up with conversations.
Changes and surprises can often impact those with ASD. Such as receiving gifts from class mates can create a sense of anxiety not knowing what might be inside the packaging. Some may prefer to be able to see the item not gift wrapped. If possible it would help if there was a quiet place alone to open a gift or allowed to take it home with no pressure to open at the event.
Sometimes those with ASD and dyslexia may also have auditory processing difficulties (APD) which makes following conversations in a busy bar or restaurant very stressful. It can be difficult to keep track of the conversation and in the end they may tend to just drop out of the conversations. Think about the venue where you’ll be gathering, are there any quiet parts of the restaurant where you could ask to be seated? This can be equally as tricky for children, the school Christmas party can be overwhelmingly noisy with music playing, excited children, party poppers popping and crackers snapping. If there’s an instruction for a party game, it can be difficult to listen to the speaker and follow instructions.
Quiet rooms where people could feel calm and reduce the anxiety are fantastic with the choice to leave and arrive at a preferred time. Maybe even an option to join in virtually.
Secret Santa can also be difficult for those that feel they haven’t got to know someone more personally. It can be a good idea to list a few appropriate ideas for each person.
DLD
Have you ever watched the child in the sports hall simply follow the other children but they appear to never really know what’s happening, what the rules are? This can be the child at the party that appears to have not listened to the rules of the game. Language delays can be well hidden but in scenarios such as this it can be stressful for a child with DLD to know what’s going on. If you’re having an end of term quiz, they might struggle to process the questions too. Try to include activities that don’t always require language processing. DLD is likely to continue into adulthood too. So please be mindful and include inclusive activities.
ADHD
Organisation and planning can be tricky tasks. Asking a person who struggles with this type of task to plan to office party or works -do can be overwhelming for them. Buying gifts can also cause anxiety, not keeping track of who they have bought for or they may even forget. Provide options to opt out of such events.
Changes to routines with different work days or for children in school, changing timetables to schedule Nativity rehearsals or visits to the pantomime can cause disruption. Adults might lose track of which days they are in work where holidays have been taken and the work schedule changes.
Focus and concentration may be a key difficulty for those with ADHD, as with the above sensory issues, over stimulation with light, sound and visual distractions can make it difficult to concentrate in the workplace or classroom.
Dyspraxia/DCD
Co-ordination is one of the key things we think about when considering dyspraxia or DCD. We often have those fun family games such as knocking things down, throwing things into cups which for those who are naturally adept at such skills, we simply don’t think twice about including this to make it a great party. Consider some different games which perhaps don’t rely on co-ordination but play to the strengths of the individual with co-ordination difficulties.
Whether it’s at work, in the classroom or family time, Christmas is for everyone who chooses to celebrate it. We should try to be aware not to impose our own traditions on others and conscious that others may not feel comfortable participating in events and everything that comes with it. However, where individuals want to participate we should make every effort to make them feel included and allow them to feel comfortable expressing their preferences. Where possible we should make adjustments to make them feel included with empathy and understanding.
Some top tips from families:
1-Check out venues in advance. The setting, sights, smells, noise, lighting, quiet and calming spaces and menu choices etc
2-Schedule in down time. Do something for you that you enjoy. We often need a day or so in between full on events which might over stimulate us
3- Reduce the demands and expectations of everything, from what you eat, what to wear, changing routines, travelling to new places
4- Keep to your routines if you wish to, go to the gym have your quiet time, give you and your family lots of time to regulate and recharge
5-Create your own traditions, eat when you want and what you want, do the routines you enjoy
6- Prepare as much as you can, give lots of notice about events, what might happen, what it might look like
7- Check whose expectations and traditions they are, are they still necessary?
8-Create a safe place to retreat to where you or your child can feel safe, calm and decompress
Finally, may I thank you for taking the time to read all of my posts this year. I hope they have been informative and you have been able to take away something or maybe it’s just confirmed your thoughts.
Enjoy the festivities
Georgina @ CodeBreakers
